Death, a short story

Death

I’ve heard it said that death is an interesting place.

Me, I’m not so sure the adjective that should first come to mind is “interesting”. Then again, it’s not uninteresting, I’ll give you that.

And since you ask my opinion and I will give it. Free of charge. Better yet though, give me your hand and I’ll take you there. You be the judge.

No, honey, I’m afraid you must leave that here, they’re not allowed. Rules, you know. Why don’t you leave it right there. Yes, on the bed is fine. Now, step out.

Yes, you’re right, it will stop breathing. Sure will. More rules I guess, but that’s the way it works. Still want to come?

Okay, fine then. Leave her there on the bed and let go of it. Just let go. Let go.

Here, let me help you. Exit towards me. Here I am, this way, come now. Follow my voice, feel the attraction. I know, it will feel strange at first, but you have to let go. Let go completely.

See? You did it. Is it quite still now? No more heart beat? Oh, there is? Now, you have to stop it. If it’s still beating you’re not all out. You have to exit completely. Come on one, slow it down, down, then just let go. Yes, just like that. Ease out, that’s right, ease out, let go. All those little awarenesses, you have to let go of them. All those tendrils you’ve grown to feel and think a part of you, all those little levers to run the thing. You have to loosen your grip and drop them. You have to drop them and leave them in there. You can make new ones later. But you have to let go of them. Of everything. Completely.

Quite a grimace there. Turning purple too. Looks like you’re doing just fine, old girl.

Yes, I can see that. There’s always a spasm or two. Almost done though. Just about there. Now, step away. Completely. No contact. None at all. Not a single tendril. Not the tiniest awareness. Cut them off. Let go. Let go completely.

Okay, fine. Now move away. Farther. Thanks, that’s better. See, it settled down. Quite still now. No movement. You’ve done well, honey. Are the lungs still? The heart? Just bones and flesh, right? Mostly bones, hey? A pretty scrawny thing, no?

Why sad? What’s there to be sad about? You’re out aren’t you? Well, yes, that’s true, you do form an attachment to those things, but look at it. No real use now is it? Not too much to bother about. Really.

Yes, that’s true too, but you’ll learn to orient yourself without it soon enough. I know it’s hard to get your bearings what with no head and all. What’s up and what is down? Who’s to say, hey? Good questions. You’ll get used to it soon, you’ll see.

You’ll notice too, there’s very little gravity about. Well, none that affects you anyway. Not yet.

See how peaceful she is. You should have closed those eyes though. Really.

You want to hang around for the discovery scene? Where they find you? It’s always kind of touching. Or amusing.

“Grandma. Grandma.”

Now you keep still here, old girl. You stay here with me. Don’t touch it.

“Grandma, look.”

Don’t move.

“Grandma, are you okay? GRANDMA!!”

Still, I said.

“Oh, my God! MOOOOOM. Something’s wrong with grandma!”

“What, honey?”

“Look. Look.”

“Mother? Are you all right?”

“Is she dead?”

“Don’t be silly. She can’t be. She was fine just a moment ago.”

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t know. Mother? Mother? Are you asleep?”

“She’s not breathing, mom.”

“She is too. I just saw it.”

I said, Back OFF!

“No. I think she’s dead.”

“MOTHER!”

Back off, I said. Leave it alone. Not a sound!

“Jennifer, call an ambulance.”

Now, here’s something I don’t think you want to stick around for. The ambulance. It usually gets really crowded and everybody panics and runs around yelling things and the paramedics get their electric pads out and they’ll jolt her and jolt her and jolt her to kick-start the heart and you’ll feel like taking up the chore again and start it beating, but that would be a very bad idea, and useless. In fact, it won’t do anybody any good now without oxygen for this long. Switchboard’s all messed up. I say, let’s skip it.

Cruel? I don’t think so. More like a joke. They’re looking for grandma in all the wrong places.

No, you stay away, I said. Back off. It’s no good now. I’m not kidding. It’s not much more than a vegetable. It’s been without oxygen for too long. Is that what you want to be, a vegetable? Intravenous support. Hell for them. Hell for you. No, let’s just get out of here, or if you must stay and watch, you have to promise me.

Why don’t we stand over here. Here by the door. Just be sure to leave it alone.

“She moved mom!”

Damn it, girl, get back here. I said, leave it alone! Don’t touch it!

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, the eyelids.”

“Are you sure?”

Don’t touch it! Damn it, you leave those eyelids alone. Back off. NOW! Thank you.

“Yes. No. No. They’re closed though.”

“They were closed all along, honey.”

“No, they were not.”

“Of course they were, honey.”

“They were not. They just closed, mom.”

“Oh, sweetheart.”

Nice touch, old girl, but don’t do that again. It’s actually not a very kind to do. Keeps their hopes alive and all that. Not nice at all.

Want to stay? Or go? Fine. Let’s go then.

Say goodbye to your loved ones.

How? Well, silently. If you want you can pass through, just pass through their heads. We call it a pat. One pass, right through. They’ll feel you, they can tell you’re there, but they won’t believe it. But that’s normally what we do. Just a pat. Tells them you’re all right, if they listen. They’ll remember though, they’ll think about it later, that they felt your presence, they’ll call it. But they’ll deny it and think they imagined it, but deep down they’ll know. They’ll know. It’s the nice thing to do.

You go ahead, I’ll wait here.

Done? Good for you. See, they’re both wondering, right now they’re wondering where you are. They know they just felt you, your pat. Good job.

Ready, then? Okay, through this wall here. Up and out. Got your bearings? Got your up and down? Can you see the street? The cars? Good.

Can you feel me? Good. Just hang on and follow. Float and follow.

I know it’s a bit fuzzy. Rocky? Yeah, I guess that too.

Hang on, here we go.

How do you like the view? Pretty cool, huh? Yes, I know, three sixty indeed, panoramic, hey? So, let’s ascend.

That’s right, thinking up will take you up. That’s the basic steering. That’s it, you’ve got it. Through the clouds. Watch out for that plane. Only kidding.

See the water, the ocean. There’s Catalina Island. And all those sail boats.

Want to go to Japan? No? That’s okay, we can stay here.

Yes, it’s quite spectacular, I agree, but we’ve got to get back down. Let’s go down here. See that tall orange building?

Yes, it’s a hospital. Follow me, through this wall here.

Now where is it? Fourth floor. Here we are. Look at all these little ones.

Yes, of course they’re babies.

This, old girl, is where you choose. Baby or ghost?

Yes, you have to choose. Those are the rules.

Well, to be honest most choose baby in the end. Even though it means forgetting. No, you don’t have to choose right away. You can take your time, you’ve got plenty of that, trust me.

Ghost on the other hand don’t have to forget. You get to keep your memories and you get to float about and see how things go for those guys back there and you get to stay awake all the time and you can do just about anything you want that doesn’t take a body.

Well, like watching TV or go to the movies. Sit in a tree and watch the world. Flit about the city or the country. Won’t need to eat or a place to live.

It’s amusing for a while, nice even, but before you decide on that route, you should know a few things about ghosting it.

First, you cannot leave.

The planet, of course. You can’t get above ten thousand feet. Don’t even try. You have to stay here. That’s part of the deal. Trust me, you don’t know how to leave, and you don’t want to try it. Believe me, old girl, there is a trick to it and you won’t figure it out.

No, I’m not trying to upset you, I’m telling you the truth. These are the rules.

The other thing is that you must stay ghost until the last of your grand children’s children has departed, and that can be a long time from now, especially since your daughter is pregnant.

You didn’t know? Well, she is. It’s a boy. And boys can spawn well into their seventies I reckon, so you do the math, you could be ghosting it for well over a hundred years.

At that time? Well, then it’s baby. No more choice then.

And the last thing to keep in mind about ghosting it is that it tends to become boring. Give it a year or two and it becomes painfully boring. Just so much you can do as a ghost. No real doing mostly looking. You’ll miss your hands and envy all who have them. You’ll miss sex, no way to feel it as a ghost is there? That’s one of the big selling point with bodies, you know. You’ll miss taste. As a ghost there will be two senses mostly, sight and sound. That’s about it. A suggestion of tactile but not much, that usually takes matter against matter, and there is no matter about you as a ghost.

Now don’t laugh, but you’ll miss going to the bathroom too. I think the pleasure of going when you really have to is greatly undervalued in current culture.

And you’ll miss crying. That’s what ghosts miss the most. Crying.

And then there’s the baby option.

The one thing about this option is that you will have to forget. That’s the main one. We’ll help you with that. There will be no memories at all. Blackness, nothing. All new.

The drawbacks are obvious, you’ll have to learn everything all over again. Reading, holding your fire until you get to that wonderful bathroom, loving, rearing, driving, everything.

You’re helpless for the next few years and you’re always taking a chance for your parents could be dogs, physically or mentally. Child abuse on the rise and all that.

But none of the ghost drawbacks, of course.

No, you can’t check up on the parents. This is not an adoption agency. What you see is what you get. You choose. Color, sex, complexion, lungs. Most of these are already taken, by the way.

Oh, you can tell by their eyes. How they focus. And if you really listen you can tell that someone’s in there.

What keeps them alive before they’re grabbed? Well, they’re a lot of cells you know. Lots of little lives, but no driver. That’s the deal, you’re the driver.

Take your time, think it over. I have all day, all year.

Me? Ghost? No. I’m a ref. No, I’m afraid I can’t tell you that. You’ll find out when the time is right.

So, where are we going here? There still a couple available. That little girl over there for example. Looks healthy. And I can feel others arriving, so you better make up your mind, honey. They go fast.

So, old girl, which is it going to be? Ghost or baby? What’s it gonna be?

Death? No, I’m sorry, honey, that’s not a choice. There really is no such thing.

Thoughts? I'd like to hear them.
Ulf Wolf

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